Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
