Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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