we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
