2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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