my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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