Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
