Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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