I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
