my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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