yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
