Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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