Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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