You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
