and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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