before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
