...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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