What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he thought i was a dude.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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