I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
