i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize