I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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