Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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