:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
