Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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