Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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