she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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