Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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