i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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