i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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