Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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