If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
