I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
