We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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