There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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