You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
