youre lurking in front of me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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