Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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