It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
