i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
