happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize