why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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