I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
