My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They are going to name an STD after you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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