I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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