He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
