I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
