So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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