Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
