i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
