Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
