Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
