So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
