nut hugger
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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