For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
