ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found the puke drawer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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