are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize