So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
