I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
