Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I won the penis lottery.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
