i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am available for nakedness
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
