All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize