Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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