Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
