you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
