...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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