just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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