i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
