He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
