I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
