using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I smell like Dick and happiness
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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