you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't deserve a penis
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ok first of all what the fuck
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
