That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
