Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Green mimosas i think yes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
