we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
