We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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