I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
