White coat. Heels.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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