He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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