Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
