How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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