I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
