Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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