also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you have to choose: penises or morals?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize