this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
