Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
