Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
