I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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