the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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