If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
