Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
