you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
