Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize