maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
