so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
