i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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