I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
